BlogsHow to tell the baby that they were born through surrogacy? Should we and when?

February 3, 2022

Some parents are uncomfortable discussing conception or birth with their children and it is totally understandable.  However, It’s crucial to talk to your child as often and as early as doable to normalize their birth with the help of surrogacy and assist them in creating a sense of pride in their story as surrogacy is an essential part of your child’s life.

Experts agree that it is vital, to be honest with your children about their surrogacy story from the very start. In this blog, you can learn about the importance of telling your child the truth and find tips for introducing this topic to them early on and naturally.

Why Should You Talk to Your Child about Surrogacy?

There are numerous reasons to talk to your child openly and honestly about surrogacy. Research has shown that secrecy about a child’s origins may negatively impact the intended parents and the child. Psychologists have learned from experience and adoption research that a child’s knowledge of their origins is vital to developing a healthy sense of trust, identity, and self-esteem. Royal Surrogacy advocates that parents disclose their children’s conception stories.

Below are additional reasons to talk with your child about their birth through surrogacy:

  • Donor-conceived people may receive inaccurate medical information if they do not access their donor’s family medical history;
  • A heavy burden is placed on friends, intended parents, and family members to conceal the surrogacy story indefinitely;
  • Others know how your child was born. And, it might be damaging if your child learns the truth from someone other than you;
  • Hiding the truth or lying about your child’s story can create issues of guilt, shame, distrust, and a negative view of surrogacy or donor conception.

When and How Should You Tell Your Surrogacy Story to Your Child?

As a rule, intended parents recognize the importance of explaining surrogacy to their children but struggle with broaching the topic. Consequently, some put off the talk until their child’s “old enough to understand.” Nevertheless, waiting to tell your child’s surrogacy story can have negative outcomes.

We, at Royal Surrogacy, recommend that you begin the conversation about your surrogacy experience with your child immediately. Very young children are the most resilient and open-minded. They are also better able to process this information. Then again, intended parents sometimes need help to tell the story in an age-appropriate manner. In this article, we will try to give you some tips for how you can form the foundation for a positive dialogue about surrogacy throughout the process.

How to Prepare to Talk Regarding Surrogacy?

Initiate preparing to tell your child’s narrative even before they are born. First, collect information about your journey and the surrogacy process in a baby book: take pictures of the surrogate, yourselves, and the nursery to include in the book. Then, document the pregnancy progress and begin writing your child’s story. It will help them have a clear visual and written account of the people who came together to make their lives possible.

It’s also a great time to practice talking about surrogacy. Think about the language you will use with your child and explain the process to other friends and family members. Begin telling your child their story as an infant, even though they can not understand you. Practicing telling your story will make you more confident and comfortable when the time comes to discuss this topic.

Lay an Educational Foundation

Continue to tell your child’s story straightforwardly as they grow. Even if your child doesn’t fully understand conception, birth, and surrogacy, it will lead to a realistic understanding. You might want to talk with them about how babies are born and how some people need others’ help to make it happen. Try to explain that families are built in many ways, including adoption, doctors, medicine, and surrogacy.  It’s a great time introducing the baby book you created before your child’s birth. Kids love reading stories about themselves. Your baby book is a fantastic way to visually explain each person’s role in building your family.

Children develop a more concrete understanding of genetics and conception as they enter their school years. However, let’s assume you wait to talk to your child about surrogacy until this stage in their life. In that case, the information will likely be shocking to them. As a result, they may struggle with the implications of surrogacy and donor conception. On the other hand, suppose you’ve already laid an educational foundation and talked openly with your child about their surrogacy story. In this way, it will be a very natural progression as they begin to understand how the surrogacy process works and what their story means.

We, at Royal Surrogacy, believe that as intended parents, you should look at your dialogue about surrogacy as an ongoing conversation rather than a one-time talk. If you find it hard or need additional suggestions for discussing this topic with your child, consider speaking to a family therapist or a surrogacy social worker.

Surrogacy is a story of people coming together out of love to help create life. Be proud of how your family is built, and your child will likely repeat your attitudes and behaviors.

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